Step Four
Made a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory of Ourselves
This one will probably make you cry hot angry self-righteous tears of regret and embarrassment.
This step doesn't allow us to focus on anyone else but ourselves. We do not think about who did or said what horrible thing to us . This is totally our journey and no one else's. Its success and /or failure is due to our choices and is not incumbent on anyone else's opinion or attitude.
We have to look at every motive, character flaw and attribute. Like good owners of a hardware store we are going to examine every part of ourselves ...the good and the bad.
We can start by revisiting some instances where there has been strife or conflict and examine our part of the problem. We have to ask ourselves what part did we play in the situation that made it worse? What boundaries did WE break when we yelled, criticized, threatened, manipulated, or tried to control with our anger?
This step requires that you take a piece of paper and faithfully write down any character traits that you can identify as being part of your own personality, both the good and the bad. There should be quite a few ..more than ten for each I suspect for a good honest start.
The following are some character words that you might draw upon in making up your list.
critical, impatient, controlling, judgemental, superior, prideful, fearful, irresponsible, dishonest, manipulative, dramatic, sarcastic, unkind, thoughtless, rude, presumptuous, arrogant, pompous, ignorant, stubborn, procrastinate. daydream, brag, belittle, obsess, blame, aggressive, lie, unforgiving, etc.
And the more positive...
kind, loving, generous, thoughtful, pleasant, even tempered, responsible, faithful, accepting, tolerant, humble, honest, calm, easy going, prompt, practical, conscientious, polite, forgiving, etc.
Don't be surprised that if when you are doing the inventory you find yourself listing mostly the negative characteristics.. I think the fact that we can more readily list negative characteristics is part and parcel of why we allow ourselves to get in the situation we are in in the first place. Living in dysfunction requires low self- esteem.
People who like themselves and know their worth seldom let their lives become so unmanageable because they can more easily identify when something is wrong and are more sure of the need to correct it. That is also why I bet many of us felt embarrassed when we had to list some positive traits because inside we don't believe we are good enough.
Here's a little test for yourself:
Go to the mirror and say to yourself out loud.."I am Wonderful".
Then go to your friend, child, or spouse and say it to them and have them say it back to you. I suspect that the younger the person the faster and the more genuine will be the "I Am Wonderful". Young people haven't been carrying around as much negative self talk for as long a time as we adults have.
It might not be a bad idea to write down that little negative phrase that runs through your head (I know you have one because we all do), and have it ready for the next step along with your list of character traits ...the good and the bad.
Made a Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory of Ourselves
This one will probably make you cry hot angry self-righteous tears of regret and embarrassment.
This step doesn't allow us to focus on anyone else but ourselves. We do not think about who did or said what horrible thing to us . This is totally our journey and no one else's. Its success and /or failure is due to our choices and is not incumbent on anyone else's opinion or attitude.
We have to look at every motive, character flaw and attribute. Like good owners of a hardware store we are going to examine every part of ourselves ...the good and the bad.
We can start by revisiting some instances where there has been strife or conflict and examine our part of the problem. We have to ask ourselves what part did we play in the situation that made it worse? What boundaries did WE break when we yelled, criticized, threatened, manipulated, or tried to control with our anger?
This step requires that you take a piece of paper and faithfully write down any character traits that you can identify as being part of your own personality, both the good and the bad. There should be quite a few ..more than ten for each I suspect for a good honest start.
The following are some character words that you might draw upon in making up your list.
critical, impatient, controlling, judgemental, superior, prideful, fearful, irresponsible, dishonest, manipulative, dramatic, sarcastic, unkind, thoughtless, rude, presumptuous, arrogant, pompous, ignorant, stubborn, procrastinate. daydream, brag, belittle, obsess, blame, aggressive, lie, unforgiving, etc.
And the more positive...
kind, loving, generous, thoughtful, pleasant, even tempered, responsible, faithful, accepting, tolerant, humble, honest, calm, easy going, prompt, practical, conscientious, polite, forgiving, etc.
Don't be surprised that if when you are doing the inventory you find yourself listing mostly the negative characteristics.. I think the fact that we can more readily list negative characteristics is part and parcel of why we allow ourselves to get in the situation we are in in the first place. Living in dysfunction requires low self- esteem.
People who like themselves and know their worth seldom let their lives become so unmanageable because they can more easily identify when something is wrong and are more sure of the need to correct it. That is also why I bet many of us felt embarrassed when we had to list some positive traits because inside we don't believe we are good enough.
Here's a little test for yourself:
Go to the mirror and say to yourself out loud.."I am Wonderful".
Then go to your friend, child, or spouse and say it to them and have them say it back to you. I suspect that the younger the person the faster and the more genuine will be the "I Am Wonderful". Young people haven't been carrying around as much negative self talk for as long a time as we adults have.
It might not be a bad idea to write down that little negative phrase that runs through your head (I know you have one because we all do), and have it ready for the next step along with your list of character traits ...the good and the bad.
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