Turtle Wise

They told me seeing a turtle on your wedding day would bring good luck and I didn't argue.  One did not argue with one's future in-laws but I just wish they hadn't tried to prove it. 

It was a glorious day.  Beautiful fall leaves decorating trees, lawns, and roadways.

All was ready.  Bridesmaids and flower girls adorned in their finest matching outfits.  Best men clean shaven with fresh haircuts and bow ties.  

The reception area was festooned with balloons and flowers.  We had gotten a 'deal' from my future husband's second cousin's sister on the use of the reception area.  She arranged the rental of a small town's hall just outside the city limits for a really modest price. 

 The delicate aroma of the carefully prepared  luncheon of chicken salad croissants and lightly spiced cabbage soup wafted over the dining area tables set with Royal Albert Chinaware of the Pettipoint design. The covered chairs  were set precisely in front of each place setting awaiting the arrival of the 30 invited guests.

The ceremony was lovely by anyone's standards.  The soloist sang beautifully. The bride was exceptionally lovely if I do say so myself, and the groom was especially handsome.  After the "I do's" were done and the deed was signed we dutifully walked down the aisle into the fresh autumn air  to an awaiting Limousine where wine was being chilled and the kisses would be hot.

Just as we were whisked away amidst  hearty congratulations I noticed a small package beautifully wrapped in gold foil and blue ribbon sitting on the seat beside me.  I thought immediately that it must be a gift from my true love, my most recent husband.  'A Token of love Devine' no doubt. 

I cuddled closer to my newest "Raison D'etre" and shook the package gingerly while sipping on the red wine.  He claimed that he had no idea of what was inside and nor had he had any idea  from where the package came.   But I all knowingly suspected that it was just merely a playful love ruse to add to the excitement of the day.

I teasingly took the parcel and placed it under my sweet loved one's nose and he gently but firmly pushed it aside.  I shook the golden nugget once more and could hear a light thud thud sound.  'Hmmm...not  anything that is actually attached  ...so it probably isn't jewellery.'I thought. 'Interesting.'

I glanced out the window of the Limousine to see how close we were to the reception hall.  It looked like the driver was taking the long way through the suburbs. 'Typical.' I thought. 'Taking the slow way to pad the fee.'

I  slipped off the seat and gingerly leaned over trying not to get my dress caught between my feet and the floor and  verbally indicated that we were only obliged to pay the previously agreed upon price for transport from the church to the reception and that we would like to get to said reception as soon as possible with no dallying.  The driver assured me that he would pick up the speed and consequently made a sharp turn and proceeded towards the speedway.

As there were no more than fifteen minutes of travel left in our journey to the festivities,  I daren't not get my hair mussed so I placed the brakes on the kisses and focused again on the package of gold.

It was about the size of a block of butter.  I carefully removed the ribbon and then slowly and precisely picked at the little pieces of tape until the golden paper fell to the floor and revealed a purely white satin like box with a hinged lid. 

I knowingly winked at my new husband as he gazed at me with love filled eyes and then I flipped the lid.

There it was.
Staring at me eye to eye.
Blinking slowly.
Mouth gaping. 
 Feet slowly wiggling. 
A live Turtle!

Over the sound of the screams , which turned out to be mine, I could hear laughter.  Hysterical laughter. It was the type of laughter that takes away the person's breath so that there was also a sound of gasping combined with a laughter  so loud and raucous that  it made even the limousine driver turn to see what the commotion was about.

Charges of involuntary manslaughter are taken quite seriously in our country.  The jury it seemed just didn't want to understand why it was apparent that the turtle was caught in my sweet, sadly departed, husband's throat in spite of the fact that the  driver had hit the brakes to avoid hitting a rabbit that had run in front of the vehicle.  The driver said he had been momentarily distracted by the strange sounds from the back of the limo.


Now I am doing 10-20 in Federal Prison.

 Stupid Rabbit.




My assignment was: Start your story with “They told me seeing a turtle on your wedding day would bring good luck” and end your story with “Now I’m doing 10-20 in federal prison. Stupid rabbit.”