Mr. & Mrs. Alexander Hoffman

Good evening everyone. Let me first of all introduce myself and my husband...I am Penny Hoffman and this is my husband Irwin...we are the proud parents of Alexander and the proud new in laws of our most beautiful bride Mel.


And before I go any further I would like to congratulate Shirley and Kevin on their anniversary and to acknowledge Mel's grandma as being the first bride in the group on this date.

 Best Wishes to you all.I wanted to say a few words tonight to tell the world just how pleased we both are with Alexander's choice for life partner

. It was about 6 years ago when I FINALLY received that phone call that all parent's wait for...that phone call that announces that their child is bringing someone special home for them to meet.

 My first impression?
 What a beauty! Red hair! Wonderful smile!

My second impression? What a nice little girl.

 My third impression later on in the weekend?
 'Yep. This could be the ONE."Followed later by the thought: "That would be a good thing."

Shortly after their arrival to our rural home near Yorkton, Alexander went off exploring 'home' and left Mel sitting in the kitchen with me while I prepared lunch. I remember visiting with her and her talking about her mom and dad, her sister, her grandma, and her aunts and uncles...all in this first conversation and I thought to myself, "This young woman really loves her family and is well loved by her family. How nice! How refreshing!"

Over the years that we have known Mel our own love for her has steadily grown ...her ready smile and wonderful laugh, her down to earth practicality in knowing what in life is important..(proven when she bought Alexander blue jeans for Christmas one year), and her genuine goodness and compassion has never ceased to impress us.

 I also want to mention that she is a GREAT co-camper--a true test of character.

Just a little story...Mel's first experience camping in a tent was with us during a very cold and snowy May long weekend. Our camping experience, being a bit more primitive than most, consists of a small camper with the private facilities being located in a little tent outside of the camper. In the middle of the cold wet night I happened to look out and saw the 'facility' tent wiggling and wiggling and I thought that it must have been particularly windy out. It wasn't until the next morning that Mel shared that she had been out and about in the middle of the night and that the zipper on that particular shelter had gotten stuck and that the wiggling that I had seen in the night was her trying to escape until she finally crawled on her hands and knees to get outside and free. What is even more incredible is that she even went camping again after that experience. She has an open invitation from Irwin to go camping anytime

.I would now like to give a few words of advice from someone who has been married for over 30 years...some of this knowledge will be well entrenched in any long married couple's relationship so it wouldn't be new to many in the crowd.

1st of all I would like to forewarn Mel and Alexander that there are indeed going to be moments when you just will "have to love them anyway'. I am talking about those times when you will have to grit your teeth, bite your lip, leave the room and go for a walk." Such moments may come when, from pure just plain lack of judgment and bad luck salt instead of the sugar will be used to top off the rhubarb crisp . A walk might be in order following an incident let's say of the use of a blow torch on a family heirloom crystal candle stick used to dislodge old wax. A good lip biting might be the best choice in terms of response when for example, 'someone' drives long long long long after the gauge shows HOT on the dash of a little treasured Mazda quarter ton truck and consequently melts the whole of the engine block. ( like who knew that could actually happen?)

Other times these methods of home preservation may be used would be after 'someone' forgets to close the deep freeze door for the weekend, or when one of you takes the car off to work with the other's purse in the passenger seat beside them in plain sight...and an even BIGGER LIP BITE might be in order when one partner drives off through the mud for three miles before realizing that the 'other' is indeed not in the back seat and is in actuality still standing outside-- in the field-- in the rain.

My second piece of advice to both Alexander and Mel as they embark on their life together is to make sure they always remember that the other one has been greatly loved and cherished by their own parents . Parents, who only want the very best for them. I ask that during the dark times , the times when they are the most angry, the times when they do not want to forgive and forget, the times when they most want to lash out, that they remember that deep down inside the other one is still the little child that was loved and cuddled by their parents and that they try to use that image to be compassionate, forgiving and loving once again.

Finally I would like to thank all of Mel's relatives along with Grandma, Shirley and Kevin, with a special thanks also to sister Kerry, for welcoming Alexander aka "Slick" so nicely into their family fold.

 There is nothing that makes a parent happier than to know that their child is loved and safe and I believe that to be true today.

May God Bless you Alexander and Mel with many wonderful years together. We wish you prosperity, good health, and much happiness but along with all those things I wish you the doubled joy and half the grief that is possible by a life being shared.

May He give you each wisdom and patience and the capacity to forgive as you travel onward through this special life's journey. May all the marriages in this building be blessed by your example and, also, as today is the anniversary of other weddings, may it serve as a reminder to us all that one does not simply 'get' married...but rather one 'does' marriage...over and over and over again.

Gypped

Irene Hilda Lundeen was born August 25, 1922 in Preeceville, Saskatchewan  the eldest daughter of Swedish immigrants.  Her father, Ole, was a farmer and fur trapper in the Porcupine forest in North East Saskatchewan, Canada.  Her mother, Ester Sjostrom was a hardworking farmer's wife  who gave life to four children despite a seven year stay in a sanatorium for treatment of tuberculosis.

Irene grew up in an area of Saskatchewan where the farm land was best left uncultivated and where rabbits, raccoons, and bears  were a common sight both in the garden and in the  traps set  and designed to catch any and all fur bearing mammals.  While the most young women of the day   embroidered and attended dances, Irene was trapping animals to sell furs to the local fur traders.



As I mentioned before, Irene's mother Ester was seconded to a sanatorium for treatment of tuberculosis and was for all intense and purposes absent from the life of the then 5 year old Irene and her younger brother for seven long years.  During this time, Irene and her brother Irwin lived with her Aunt , her mother's sister, and her husband, who worked for the Canadian Pacific Railroad, in a box car on a siding on the outskirts of a small prairie town noted for its  perogies, cabbage rolls, and home brew.   Her father, Ole, remained on his trap line and tended his crops for seven years without his wife and family at his side. After this seven year banishment the family was duly reunited and consequently ,  two more siblings arrived.




In due course, Irene, returned to the community where she spent her growing up years with her Aunt and family and married a local farmer.   Life was full of hard work for a farmer's wife in the '40s and '50's.  Raising 1000's of turkeys and chickens, milking cows to send cream to the dairy,  planting gardens an acre in size, plus the canning, freezing, and preserving of fruits and vegetables made time fly by, but Irene managed to sew quilts, mend clothes, and crochet doilies and tablecloths in her 'extra' time.  Besides raising four children, keeping them clean, fed,  Irene put on 'parties' where family and neighbors were invited and  Three spot and Canasta were played, lunches of homemade sausages on fresh baked buns offered,  and cakes made from scratch from hen house eggs served.

As her children  gradually left home, Irene devoted her summertime to her flower garden and her wintertime, being a woman of thrift, to sewing quilts, using material cut from used clothing.

Irene had four lovely granddaughters all born within three years of each other.  She described these grand babies as her  four little birds who would follow her around ...tweeting and chirping ...as they watched her prepare favourite desserts, wash strawberries from the garden, or crochet an doll clothes.  Many special meals of palt and bacon, blueberry cheesecake and fresh raspberries  were served to these little 'birds' by their wonderful doting Grandma Irene.

Now, when one gets married one doesn't often just marry one's spouse.  One marries not only an individual but also the individual and their family. At least that is the way I see it, and so when I married Irene's second son in 1981 I felt I was , in fact, getting a sort  'Kit'.   This marriage Kit was made of various facets if one included in-laws, nieces, cousins, aunts and uncles.  The main  attractive component for me was the 'mother' .    I was looking forward to years and years of being instructed in the art of quilt making, pie crust rolling, and jam preserving by the matriarch of my new family.
   I envisioned this  woman as being  the grandmother of my future children, the soft hand that would stroke their head when they were sick, the baker of cookies and sweet cakes for after school snacks, the summer holiday guardian and the safe haven of  unconditional love and acceptance that helps every child to bloom.


People have milestones in their lives that mark the start of something momentous such as graduating from High School, one's first job, and holding one's new born child in their arms.  Usually they are happy things.
But for me one of the biggest of life milestones  was of a disappointment that  has shaded the rest of my life.  It  was a day that was only 2 weeks before the birth of my first child and 15 months after my marriage.

It was on March 17, 1983, St. Patrick's Day, that the family was told that Irene had inoperable and terminal cancer of the colon. 

We laid her to rest on August 1 of that same year.  Her second son's first child and  her only grandson was just shy of turning four months old.

A comment made to me at the funeral sticks with me still.  A neighbour leaned over and whispered, "You were Gypped."

And gypped I was---and so was she.

As was my son, Alexander, and my daughters, Sarah, Rachel, and Heidi.


One can only guess at what they have missed because  that Kit  was  irreparably broken  and washed away by the tears that have fallen over the last thirty years.


I am EXACTLY the same age as Irene was 30 years ago when she passed away.  I think today  of the future of my own children's ' Marriage Kits'  as my son will soon be espoused. I, too,  have grandchildren I have yet to meet and sons-in-laws to welcome and greet.

 I hope we all get a fairer deal this time around.


Letter 1 from a young Irene to her mother in the Sanatorium.

 Letter 2  A letter to her Dad.

Letter 3...a bit older child.

The letters are a bit hard to read...perhaps one will have to increase the size of the display.

 Grandma Irene and some of her 'little birds'.

and her quilting.

I think of you often.  I always  miss you.  I always will.

A Tribute to a Lovely Lady

October 28, 2010 United Church Fort Qu'Appelle, Saskatchewan
Marilyn and Allan and Family, Ladies an Gentlemen
For those of you who don't know me, I am the daughter of Russel Dixon. Kay was my stepmother and my friend.
I would like to thank Marylyn and Allan for allowing me to speak about Kay at this very difficult time...I hope what I am going to say will bring honor to her memory and serve as some comfort for her family.
As so many of us in this building already know Kay was truly a remarkable woman... someone who had led a life every bit as remarkable as any that I have ever met...from meeting Agatha Christie, Dancing at the Savoy, Skating at the Chrystal Palace and watching the Battle of Britain in her back yard with her brother...she never ceased to amaze me..but the time that I was most Amazed and oft times totally awe struck was during the time that she spent caring for Dad while he was hospitalized.
Dad and Kay were married in December of 2001 and before two months had passed Dad had suffered a debilitating stroke that left him paralyzed, unable to swallow, speak clearly, walk, play the Banjo, totally unable to fend for himself..and needing constant care until his passing. Now...I myself was not present at Dad and Kay's wedding but I certainly was a witness to their marriage which was every bit as important, meaningful and rewarding as any marriage involving two people of any age that is based on kindness, dignity and mutual respect--and the following is just a smattering of ways that this marriage and Kay's gift of seeing the possibilities of seemingly impossible circumstances made life and living not only for my Dad, but for all who choose to acknowledge it, more special and surprisingly precious.
Shortly after the stroke Kay stood over Dad's hospital bed and declared to me that LIFE IS SWEET--I remember being somewhat skeptical of this idea as Dad was so ill and it seemed that all of their high hopes for happy years together had been dashed...but for over two years Kay proved her declaration to be true...as she did everything in her power to make sure that Dad's life was richer than it otherwise would have been if she had not been in it...
Kay spent 27 months of not missing a day being by his side..making Dad's quality of life better than anyone could have imagined...I personally had not known really to what extent the concept of unconditional Love and total acceptance could be until I witnessed Kay's untiring dedication to my Dad--his life was enriched a thousand fold by her presence and never ending attempts to make life interesting and yes even exciting at times-some including contraband budgies, visits with Sammy the Cat , and fun with a Polaroid camera that I shan't explain at this time..but it will always bring a smile to my face whenever I think of it.
It was also due to Kay's insistence that we take dad out for drives as often as we could and consequently there were no excuses acceptable to her as to why a 50 plus woman didn't want to tackle learning to drive a HUGE Brand New Handicapped Van-- but I knew that if I didn't do it then she WOULD ... so learn I did..and it was great.
Kay always showed up in his room 7:30 am and wouldn't leave until twelve hours later--even if it meant that she had to walk the length of two football fields in January to and from the hospital in the dark because of car trouble and once because the town roads were blocked she literally crawled her way through snowdrifts to be at the hospital in time.
If she ever left him for an appointment or pressing necessity she always ensured that there was someone there to watch over him.
It is my fervent belief that Kathleen was SENT to be in Dad's life at that time and place--it couldn't have been any other way..
-I wish to take this moment to thank Marilyn and Alan and their family for unselfishly allowing Kay to absent herself from many many family gatherings, seasonal celebrations and even weddings while she was busy sweetening Dad's life with her vigor and imagination. Your generous and gracious sacrifice--not unlike Kay herself.. was duly noted, is appreciated even today, and will not soon be forgotten.
Kay's remarkable strength of character, her high ideals and value of life and respect for the institution of marriage not only enhanced my father's last days but also taught me and anyone else who observed this total dedication to duty and ultimate example of Love as a VERB, that there is no end to the possibilities when it comes to sweetening life..no matter what the circumstance. This concept is also reflected in Barbra De Angeles' quotation and it could easily have been Kay’s... “Marriage is not a noun, it’s a verb ...It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It is the way you love your partner every day.”
911 was a day that the modern world was forever changed... .I know that my world was changed that day..but not for the reason you may think..as September 11, 2001 was the day that I first laid eyes upon Dad's dear Kathleen...she was wearing a long blue dress and she was dancing to the music played by a band that included my Dad playing his banjo. It is my hope and prayer that perhaps the Good Lord in His Wisdom in some form of Sweet Eternity has allowed Kay and Dad to once again Play and Dance to the Music that they both loved so well.