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Friday, October 18, 2013

Red Socks

Today's Topic  is Socks

Socks are the common denominator in our society.  |The majority of the people reading this are wearing at least one pair, and this pair has been deliberately chosen to be the ones worn for this day --a day that also  also includes the choice to read this blog.


Some of these socks may range anywhere  from being plain white (male or female) ankle or knee length , neon striped with articulated toes and heals, plus  almost  every conceivable design, colour, sports logo, weight, texture, and material that the modern man has imagined and manufactured.

Gone are the days of  the home made knit socks and darning needles and   darning eggs for the  weekly hole repair. 




However, no matter what genre sock is involved the mystery as to where the socks go after they are placed in the dryer remains to this day.  When my family was growing up I made it a rule to only have white socks ..same style, same size ..so there wasn't any hassle in figuring out whose socks belonged to whom, and there were usually enough left socks for the right socks to pair up with.       

I have had the same two feet for over 60 years. For over 60 years I have been concerned over finding, searching for, and wearing matching socks on these same two feet... feet which in fact are NOT matching in themselves. In reality they are barely mirror images of each other being in turn (and often in circles) alternately left and right. Therefore, tonight for the first time in 60 years, I am going to wear mismatched socks.. hearkening to the ancient adage that 'if you can't find the right one. . then you have to wear the one that's left."


Red Socks are special.  They take you to parties where one meets the most interesting people,  They also help you to  dance like you think no one is looking.  The wearing of them can almost guarantee that you will get home late or early depending upon which side of the clock you want to look at. 

 There are at least 4 'at one time used to be 19 years old'  women who lived at #6-1953 Garnet Street, Regina, Saskatchewan in the early 1970's that can attest to the truth of the above statement.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Mail Order Shopping

Hey there Laura! 

Thanks for leaving your  Catalogue at work for my perusal. Yes I'd like to place an order , but first I would like to

ask a few questions regarding products and their usage etc.

1. I was fascinated by the thought of using a Fat Mop, but just wondering if one should use it wet or dry in or out of the shower?

2. The wire Facial Hair Remover looks interesting..no plugging into anything I am thinking. Quite good for camping. Does the Fuzz Eater come separately?

3. I will definitely be ordering the Bunion Toe Spreader...make that two (2) for the left foot --any colour will do.
4. Super Duper on the Super Kegel fore sure...I'll take one in Green...this item will also go nicely with the  EZ Ladies Travel Urinal.. After receiving these items I plan on not only filling up the van tank with gas while traveling but will also be able to get one of those large Cokes to Go.

5. What about those Prostrate Cushions....no mention of colour or type of outer material available...silk? Velcro? burlap? or just plain velvet? I'll take a dozen of those little rascals ...one for each of my hubby's outfits.

6. I'll be ordering a full carton of Anti Vibration Pads too.--you can pack them with the Kegal/Urinal Container.

7. I notice a Ring Remover...it is on that page with the bathroom stuff...is that any ring? ie. Wedding? Nose? ..Belly Button?

8. Those Banana Guards looked interesting...I'll get back to you on those.

9. A co-worker wanted me to ask if your company carried Udder Butter and Bag Bomb (she claims I spelled that last wrong but whatever....).

IB me with the estimated cost. I am hoping for a bit of a discount for such a big order.
Thanks..
pea





Monday, October 14, 2013

Butt that's Tacky!

As I was sitting in a restaurant the other day I overheard (eavesdropped)  a conversation between a handsome, fit, and tanned doctor and his fashionable family while they partook of their meal. Their conversation ranged from the obese individual at a table across the room, racial comments about incidences of vandalism in the area, and the quality or lack thereof of the food they were eating. Just shows to go ya that it isn't so much what goes into one's mouth that makes one beautiful..it is actually what comes out.



Now this is the rest of the story....

 Prior to this eavesdropped conversation,   as this self imagined 'first' family were leaving their table situated across from our own to go to the buffet, the doctor's wife  accidentally (at least I think accidentally ) rubbed her dainty  gluteus   maximus on my elbow.

   I found  it strange that she didn't turn around to see who or what she rubbed against.

 After I overheard the conversation and my husband told me name of the doctor,  I remembered  that  this  doctor has a reputation of being a womanizer.  I  then thought, 'That might explain why she didn't turn around and say excuse me. She may have thought it was my husband she touched, or else maybe she knew it was me and SHE is a womanizer too.'


 



Saturday, October 12, 2013

Two Definitions

Today I will discuss  my  first experience with  one of the two definitions of Leverage* and ultimately my second happier experience with the second.


The first  experience with leverage occurred during the moving of our family from our city apartment back to our country home. 

 The washing machine which was situated in the basement of the townhouse was going to need to be loaded onto a cart for transport. 

 The stairs leading up from the basement were the type that had a  landing on the stairway and then the steps turned at a right angle to complete the rise to the ground level.  

As moving appliances was usually happily not in the realm of my pre - transport duties I spent most of the morning packing the mundane kitchen/bathroom items and utensils all the while listening to things being dragged around in the basement, back door opening and closing, several trips up and down the stairs, some nonthreatening banging and clanging, with some murmuring  under the breath guttural moans and  expressions.


  All seemed to be going according to schedule.

  Until...I got the call.

"Dear, could you come down here for a second?"

Fearing someone had gotten hurt, or perhaps I needed to run an errand, I immediately went down to see why I was being hearkened in such sweet and loving manner.

As I turned the corner to go down the stairs I saw my husband standing at the bottom with two lengths of planking lying along the steps  and  the washing machine resting at the bottom.

I slowed my pace...warily squeezing by the appliance and planks--no small feat as I was six months pregnant at the time.

"What would you like?", I asked eyeing the scene dubiously as little alarms started to tinkle at the back of my consciousness.

"I can't get the washing machine around the corner of the landing so I want you to stand here. " He said as he pointed to the bottom of the steps, "I am going to the top of the stairs  and slide the washing machine up the steps using the planks for support."

 I thought to myself, 'Well that is easy enough...I can do that! As long as he doesn't let the washing machine slide back on me....'. 

Then he said, " As I get the washing machine to the top of the landing, I want you to lift the planks up to your shoulders and just stand there."


  As my bladder lurched and the baby kicked, my inner thoughts were , " OK...now this is too much.  Had this man gone MAD? Was he conniving some sort of household accident in his mind's eye?  Had I finally pushed him over the brink?

 Did he actually expect me...his darling, little , and kind wife and mother of 3 1/2  of his cherished children to actually be able to lift TWO heavy planks PLUS a washing machine to the level of her shoulders without suffering any serious consequences or harm?"

 The greater fear was  that his expectations  of my success were perhaps not really  that high. 

He stood there waiting for my response as I weighed the odds of receiving at the very least skinned shins, knees, and arms if the machine fell back down the stairs,  all the way to possibly experiencing a hernia compounded by a cardiac event  or worse if I attempted such a feat.

 As he was already half way up the stairs with said appliance preparing to drag it precariously upward and outward,  I  obediently said, " OK.  If you think I can do it."

So it began.  

I watched as the washing machine was hauled up slowly by hand higher and higher over the planks accompanied by scraping sounds like nails on a chalkboard. 

 When the machine got near the landing, he said, "Now! Now! Pick up the planks and place them on your shoulder."

I took a deep breath (as deep as any  woman who is six months pregnant could) and laboriously bent over,  grabbed a plank in each hand, and without hardly any effort lifted the planks surprisingly quickly up to my shoulders. 

 I raised my eyes to see the washing machine miraculously being pulled level onto the landing and consequently disappearing around the corner and ultimately heard it being dragged up over the next stairway and out the door.

THAT apparently is leverage.



.

       Give me a place to stand , and I will move the Earth. -- Archimedes

But it didn't end there. 

There are two definitions of leverage* remember. 

Henceforward, whenever there seems to be an impasse in who does what for whom in terms of favours, gifts, or outings,   I sometimes hearken back to the 'time I helped move the washing machine'  to leverage the situation in my favour. 

*

Full Definition of LEVERAGE

1
:  the action of a lever or the mechanical advantage gained by it
2
:  power, effectiveness leverage
>
3
:  the use of credit to enhance one's speculative capacity



Examples of LEVERAGE


  1. The union's size gave it leverage in the labor contract negotiations.
  2. The player's popularity has given him a great deal of leverage with the owners of the team.
  3. I used the leverage of the bar and a wooden block to pry the rock out of the hole.

First Known Use of LEVERAGE

1830

Rhymes with LEVERAGE


2leverage

transitive verb
: to use (something valuable) to achieve a desired result
leveragedleverag·ing

Full Definition of LEVERAGE

1
:  to provide (as a corporation) or supplement (as money) with leverage; also :  to enhance as if by supplying with financial leverage
2
:  to use for gain :  exploit leverage
the system to their advantage — Alexander Wolff>

Examples of LEVERAGE


  1. The company wants to leverage its brands more effectively.
  2. leverage
her 15 minutes of fame>

First Known Use of LEVERAGE

1957

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